distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
