i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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