i just wanna soil my oats bro
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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