nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
