You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think people are normalizing furries
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
