What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
