I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
