Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
