I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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