you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
