that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I smell like Dick and happiness
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
