im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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