Ketchup is God's man juice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
