Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
