OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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