There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
