My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
