Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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