I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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