i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
