I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
