why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
