Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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