How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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