Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
