Got a toothbrush?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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