I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
