im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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