32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
