I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where is the hickey?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
