apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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