Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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