He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
