I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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