"it" just moved
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's always time for handjobs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
