God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
