we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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