Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someone shattered a urinal.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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