Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
