i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
