So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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