$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
