yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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