Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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