He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
