just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
