There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
