I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
