I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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