No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
