i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
