i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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