You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
