HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
